So how did 2011 VG pan out? I wonder. It all goes by so fast. In such a blur. It seems like just yesterday I was moving my X-Com team into Cydonia and mastering the Chenjesu Broodhome. The truth is, I'm probably more interested in seeing where this goes than you are. The question that always fascinates me the most, about my own gaming, is simple: what did I buy compared to what I actually played? I think I'm about to play a lot of Arkham City, Skyrim, and Saint's Row 3. Am I right? Or will Rugby Challenge and Hot Shots Golf hold my attention against their new rivals? Do I affect the outcome of these contests by being aware of them?
You see how this line of questioning can consume me. Best to get it out of the system.
So now, by combining the resources of all seven internets, the game stacks around me, achievement and trophy lists of all flavors, and my own pixel stained memories, let us peer back across the only year Earth knows where 12 months are entirely optional.
2011 VG began quite late: last November, with the arrival of Kinect, and then Call of Duty Black Ops a few days later. Ahh, Black Ops, the game half my 360 friends list claims to hate while still playing daily...
|Your Call of Duty experience may vary with online play.|
Call of Duty Black Ops - I'm not the biggest fan of the CoD series (I liked 4!), but even I was stunned to find Black Ops looking and playing like a 1st gen 360 launch title. I took this dog back to Gamestop and traded it in faster than you can say "Why are all these polygons glowing? Did the Taliban invade Battle Arena Toshinden?"
|Everything you know about meeting girls is wrong.|
|Gran Turismo 5 - The Official Racing Game of People Who Hate Rainbows.|
|Gran Turismo called. It said you're wearing too much orange.|
Limbo - Can I get this on my phone? It belongs on my phone. It's good, it just belongs on my phone.
|Oh, Psyduck, just let it go, man. Let it go.|
Project Diva 2: Hatsune Miku - I've played this one less than its predecessor, but I still love the Project Diva games. It's actually not even Miku's fault; my psp has just seen a lot less action this year, in general. (See Monster Hunter Portable 3rd.)
|In space, no one can hear you dressing up like a Volkswagon to abuse steroids.|
Gears of War 3 - A fairly amazing end to the 360's second most lackluster series. (I know the core 360iots will report me to Master Chief for saying that, but coddling them makes it worse.) I only bought Gears 3 because I needed to buy something and I knew it would present tons of co-op, if nothing else. Maybe it was my super low expectations, but I've had a blast with this one. A full campaign in 4 player co-op, a drastically improved and expanded horde mode, and a killer new beast mode that's probably best described as Gears vs. Oddworld. AND it's in 3D, even though it's just a 360 game! (Ok, not good 3D, but still...)
|This incredibly interesting piece of promotional art for From Dust could not be more of a lie. =[|
|Hi kids! Remember, pirates get candy! Support your local torrent sites!|
Epic Mickey - Was this the moment I finally gave up on the Wii forever? Maybe. Probably. Maybe. It's too bad this game didn't come out five minutes after Mario 64. It coulda been a contender.
|I'm absolutely not having sex with this motorcycle. Still, if you could come back in 15 minutes...|
|The real Nabeshin when a crazy chick tries to mind game him.|
Bastion - This looked ok, but then I was incredibly bored from the moment it started up. I don't know. I wonder sometimes if sprite based gaming has a different charm for people who didn't already sit through the 17 years of sprites literally being the only game in town.
|Thanks to DC Universe Online, this really happened.|
DC Universe Online - This isn't an mmo. It's a suicide note from a game developer. Go find a youtube video of the opening cinema and see if you can watch it without needing to cut yourself. Then know that that video was the soaring epiphany of the DC Universe experience.
|I'm absolutely not a horrifying Sackboy monster. Still, if you could come back in 15 minutes...|
Little Big Planet 2 - I swear I want to care about this game. It's been sitting here for months. I refuse to take it out of the "active" pile, even though I don't play it. I wish they'd fix the super floaty controls on Sackboy. He'll never be in Mario's, or even Sonic's, league until they fix his interface. And as a game I'm bored with LBP, which makes it hard to appreciate the fact that it's one of the most interesting game systems ("system" used here in the traditional tabletop rpg sense, not as a synonym for console) ever designed. What's perhaps most telling is that I actually know a lot of people with LBP2, and we all spend a fair amount of time trying to find things to do in co-op, and not once, ever, has one of us suggested playing this game.
|You look familiar. Were you also green and half naked in Morrowind?|
Two Worlds II - If I could design my own character in Two Worlds II, I'd be playing it right now instead of writing this round-up. It's a cool game, and I've liked everything I've done in it so far, but it's so hard to invest in a massive open world sandbox game where you're stuck playing some computer geek's homoerotic fantasy of the perfect alpha male. Wait! Come back, every Grand Theft Auto game ever, I didn't mention you by name!
|Is this why we only got 4 maps? You dicks!|
|Choosing outfits for your cats wasn't always the hardest part of monster hunting.|
Monster Hunter Portable 3rd - Nothing but improvements for what was already one of the most cleverly designed franchises in history. Except for the one problem - Portable 3rd is painfully easy - which is the exact opposite of what Monster Hunter is all about. In Monster Hunter Freedom Unite, it took me roughly 300 hours to complete all the basic single player village quests. Not even the single player cat quests, just the ones the village elder lady gives out. There were monsters that took me days to defeat. (Sometimes many days.) I got incapped at least a hundred times in those 300 hours, and failed dozens of quests. In Portable 3rd, I completed not only all the village quests, but at least a third of the four player quests (alone), getting incapped a grand total of twice, and never having failed any quest at all. All without using armour until the final hunt for the monster from the cover. Part of the lack of challenge is the improved engine - it was much harder to dodge in Unite because the hit boxes were insane and monsters could damage you without actually touching you (without even coming close in some cases), but most of it is just Capcom toning the game down for wider audience appeal. Which might have been worth it if Capcom had actually ported the game for Western markets. I've got about 85 hours in Portable 3rd: the Monster Hunter equivalent of 15 minutes.
|The 3D glasses might feel weird for a second.|
|This has all happened before. It will all happen again.|
|My other car is a snorkawallapus.|
Patapon 3 - You build a near-perfect game that ignores all kinds of conventions, and then proceed to video game it to death a little more with every iteration. It's Twisted Metal all over again. Not everything benefits from having cookie-cutter industry standard concepts injected into its mix. Twisted Metal was never the same once they implemented those awful Street Fighter style weapon/shield codes, and Patapon has never recovered from being infused with power ups, hero units, and less abstract scripts. If Sony really wants to apologize to me for all the weirdness this year, saving this artwork from its developers would be a great start.
|Gaze carefully, for these are the tiles of infinity.|
|Hi, we're here to audition for the lead in Dragon Age III.|
|When simulating people riding buses is the only thing your game does, it seems like it should at least get bus stops right.|
Cities in Motion - Pirated it, loved it (despite the fact that its inherently broken), bought it on Steam with all its DLC. I don't know why a game where all I do is set up bus and train routes/stops is so great, but it is great. Even if it will never work right. (There's an issue with punters over-queuing that the devs refuse to fix, for reasons that remain lost to me. They keep patching the game, but they never fix the one issue that we've all been complaining about forever. Like I say - inherently broken. But also addicting and fun!)
|NOT the character design of people with good instincts.|
Brink - Unplayable. I don't know what possessed someone to take Bethesda's insanely clunky Fallout engine, which is barely adequate for a sprawling, pause anytime, RPG, and turn it into an online arena game, but the person responsible should be beaten, then sold to gypsies, then beaten again.
|This looks like a joke, but my friend has moleskin grips installed and uses a laser pointer as a sight on his Sharpshooter.|
SOCOM 4 - Would I even notice this hopelessly linear spec-ops-by-numbers game if it didn't use the Sharpshooter? Probably not. Luckily, it does use the Sharpshooter, so instead of competing with Metal Gear 4 and Deus Ex: HR, SOCOM 4 shifts into the realm of Time Crisis and Virtua Cop 2, where it can bask in the peaceful glow of diminished expectations. (Honestly, until sometime in the middle of 2013, anything that lets you snipe with the Sharpshooter is going to be awesome.)
|Even GLaDOS loves Miku!|
Portal 2 - Hands down winner of the 2011 Thirdrail Trophy for Best Writing in a Video Game. The gameplay is impeccable, but GLADOS, the hardest working AI in show business, is the game's real star, and well worth the price of admission.
|The world died. Turbochargers didn't.|
|Tennis AND break dancing? Get out of my head!|
Virtua Tennis 4 - Ever since those old Nintendo Vs. Tennis arcade machines, I've been a fan of tennis games. if this one had decent Move support, it would be getting played every day, instead of just messed with on the rare occasions I turn on my laptop.
|(It really doesn't.)|
Dissidia 012 - Still more technically impressive than fun, just like its old man. Between Dissidia I+II, XIII, and XIV, I think I'm finally burned out on Final Fantasy.
|This is from the angry dancing portion of the rugby match. No, I don't know either.|
Rugby Challenge - I'm just starting this one, and it's been a little crashy, but the game itself is great. I knew nothing about rugby a week ago, and I already like it much better than its two dopey sisters, football and football. Especially football! Plus, it's always neat to play a high quality sports game (stability issues aside) that has nothing to do with EA.
|We can't have bunnies in Tiger Woods 12. I assume it's because Tiger Woods hates animals.|
|Go as fast as you want, you'll still be on an iPhone!|
Grand Prix Story - Full disclosure: I used to spend way too much time building and watching go kart tracks in Rollercoaster Tycoon 1 and 2. Racing Story turns that fetish into a full scale racing management game that makes Gran Turismo 5's B-Spec look about as sophisticated as a cell phone app (which Grand Prix Story actually is).
|I take it back! I really enjoy your rolling papers!|
The Sims Medieval - I probably got three solid days of fun gameplay out of this before turning it off and walking away forever. That seems to be my relationship with Sims games. I've never played one I didn't like, and I've never played one for longer than 5 days. I've never missed a Sims game, and yet I've also never reinstalled one once I took it off the drive.
|Long hair, tons of scars, and a wolf necklace. Easy there, slut magnet, you're not the only one in the Winn Dixie.|
Lego Star Wars III: The Clone Wars - The more I think about it, the more I'm coming to realize that Lego games are the perfect home for what Star Wars has become. This is the Clone Wars material presented at its correct level. It's fun like all Lego games are fun - in that "I like this level, but did it need to be 45 minutes long?" kind of way.
|Finally, a game with Johnny Depp in it!|
Lego Pirates of the Caribbean - The best part about these Lego games? They run great on a 3 year old gaming laptop. Emergency gaming.
|Once upon a time, the squandering of such a visceral opening sequence was the sole prerogative of filmmakers.|
|According to Relic, I could be anyone.|
|If you could marry Cloud's sword, game designers would be extinct in one generation.|
God Eater Burst - Not bad. Also not Monster Hunter. Sadly, that really is all the meaningful information there will ever be about God Eater Burst. I wish someone would come up with a decent MH clone, but so far all the attempts to endear new IPs to the hunter audience have been pretty weak.
|This is not the Tiger Woods EA Sports wants you to think about. Well, you should have given me that duck.|
Here's an example: on every hole with water you can hear ducks quacking. They sound very near you. But there are no ducks. $80 worth of DLC (19 DLC courses compared to 14 included in the game, available day one), $10 online passes, and prominently featured in-game advertising, year 13 of one of the best selling sports franchises in Terran history... and no one can be bothered to model and path a 25 polygon duck? How much would I need to spend? How expensive would Tiger Woods need to be before EA had the resources to add that duck? I'd just like to know. And it's not the ducks specifically. The game is full of that kind of empty. Anyway, I suspect Tiger Woods 12 will have serious problems staying in rotation once there's any other real (non-Sharpshooter) games for the Move. (If Minna no Golf 5 had Move support for online, instead of just single player, TW12 would have already been replaced by a golf game we can't read from 3 years ago.)
|Looking at this picture, I wonder why I'm not playing this. That looks great!|
Shift 2: Unleashed - I'd swear there was some problem with this one. Now I can't remember it, but there was some technical issue that quickly ended my relationship with this game. I think. I guess now I'm going to have to play it again and figure out why I don't play it. Thanks, stupid list.
|By the time you get here, you'll envy her.|
LA Noire - For the first few hours all I could think about was the fact that I was finally playing a Rockstar game that wasn't written by a high school sophomore for other high school sophomores. It was kind of a magic moment; there are few things in the video game universe I find more grating than the faux-juvenille writing in GTA games. The investigations are great to start with too. I enjoyed finding clues, and interrogating witnesses. For a while. The farther you play, the more you're forced to realize just how very, very shallow LA Noire's waters run. You play Cole, but you never meet him. He's just a clue finding interrogation machine, magically appearing at the police station each morning to follow a waypoint through a massive city that's just as empty as the experience of playing in it. I'm so glad Team Bondi is over.
|Maybe you're calling the wrong game. How would you know?|
Persona (two of them) - I'd like to stand here and tell you that I can tell Persona games apart. I really would. But it would be a lie. I've never been able to tell them apart, and I'm not getting any better at it. That said, I played two Persona games this year. One was very dry and boring, despite the whirlwind it created in the rpg community, and one was less dry and boring, with more contemporary graphics. The second one was good. It was another one of those games that's designed for people with a total library of three or fewer active titles, which rules me out, but I liked it and I'm glad I messed around with it.
|Rally is just like NASCAR, except it involves driving.|
|I assume there's some kind of contest to see who can take the most misleading screenshot of an RTS game. This should win.|
|Bathing suits from the 50s always look so frumpy.|
|Sometimes you chase the goat mountain. Sometimes the goat mountain chases you.|
|The white girl represents good and the black girl represents evil. I'm not even gonna say anything.|
InFamous 2 - The first InFamous is the only ps3 game I've ever platinumed. I really, really liked it. We connected. You'd think I'd like the second one too, since it's just a reskin of the first game, but somehow, showing up and finding that even the architecture was identical, just re-textured, completely killed my ability to happily explore. Assassin's Creed: Whatever, I'm not giving you your own entry, but everything I just said goes triple (quadruple?) for you.
|This doesn't look like the Resistance 3 I played at all! Dammit!|
|No matter how many drugs Child of Eden inspires you to take, you will never forget this space whale in 3D.|
|I'm 90% sure the original Alice in Wonderland involved less stabbing.|
|I was going to accuse your game of being uninspired, but now that I see you included dual wielding...|
F.3.A.R. (FEAR 3) - In two years I'm going to be trying to remember which one was FEAR 3, and which one was Homefront, and which one was Crysis 2. And I'll fail. Yet another mind bogglingly average shooter.
|It should probably be illegal to want anything as much as I want Akiyama's jacket.|
Yakuza 4 - It's amazing how much you can play and how much you can still miss. I've been meaning to play Yakuza since the original, and finally just got around to it. Aside from the typical boring button mashy fight scenes that Japanese guys seem to require, this has been one hell of a game. It's rare that I genuinely like characters in video games. At best they're like spending time with a 14 year old boy's D&D character (think Gears), and, at worst, they're so demographically tailored as to be unrecognizable to any human with a soul (think Halo). Akiyama, Yakuza 4's eccentric loan shark, is one of the most likeable characters I have ever seen. I had rented this, and finally just got my own copy a few weeks ago, so now, much like Witcher 2, Yakuza 4 is sitting here on hold until I find the time and inclination it deserves. (i.e. February!)
|After I finish this cigarette, I can't smoke again for 17 minutes. That's how long my smoking battery takes to recharge.|
Deus Ex: Human Revolution - I'm maybe 6 or 8 hours into this one? I play it and have fun, but I can only stand it for so long because of the part where I have to wait 60 seconds for my stabbing battery to recharge before I can stab a second person. How do ideas that stupid make it into publication? I keep hoping they'll fix that with a patch and I can go at Deus Ex full bore.
|Wait a minute. Boats don't have fireplaces... boats don't have fireplaces!!!|
|Whatever's happening here, it's far less gay than an actual Zelda game.|
|I am absolutely not excitedly kicking this lizard in his penis. Still, if you could come back in 15 minutes...|
|There's always one building where both sides end up mushing together, which turns a supposedly objective based game with vehicles into team deathmatch.|
|Guess which one is the bad guy.|
Shadow of the Colossus/ICO - The ps2 was easily my least favorite console ever. (And mind you, my first console was a used Magnavox Odyssey.) It was the most poorly designed hardware ever (The 360 didn't exist yet! I'm sorry! I had no idea!) and it had a library of shovelware not even Japan's PC Engine or an iPhone could ever hope to rival. I got out of the ps2 early, and was glad to be rid of the thing. Shadow of the Colossus was the price I paid for that escape. I never got to play it. Not a week has passed in the last six years that I haven't thought of it. The number of times I stood staring at ps2s, calculating exactly what it would cost me to play that one game...
Thank Yig I waited. The new HD version supports 3D, and 3D, which spends most of its time just being a luxurious but ultimately unnecessary graphic enhancement, changes Shadow of the Colossus so deeply, so fundamentally - the feeling of actually being up on those massive things as you clamber around on them - that I've now made a miraculous transition. Instead of being the only gamer I know who never played this classic, I'm now the only one who has played it. The key now is not to rush through it, as tempting as it is, because not only is it a unique and amazing experience, it's currently the closest thing I've got to a real Monster Hunter game.
|Oh yeah? Let's see you play X3 or Darkstar One in line at Chik'fil'A.|
|When you hang up my little laser copy poster of this image, it falls down every 2-3 weeks. (For like 10 years, off and on.)|
|When shmoos attack.|
Tom Clancy's Shadow War - So far, this is the only fun thing I've seen my 3DS do. (Aside from being an awesome 3D camera that takes unsharable pictures.) It's not a great game, but it's solid enough to give the 3DS purpose for 5-7 days. It teaches you that 3D is less about things sproinging out at you, and more about making things look real, as you move tiny soldiers around a map that looks more like an HO train village than a polygon driven landscape.
OUTSIDERS (They aren't from 2011 VG, but they are from my 2011 VG.)
|It's almost impossible to find a picture of Minna no Golf without wildlife.|
Minna no Golf 5/Hot Shots Golf: Out of Bounds - I don't generally pay much attention to Hot Shots Golf games, because I'm familiar with them from the psp universe. Then I saw a video of Minna no Golf 5 running on the monitor at a local import shop here in LA. It was beautiful and Move compatible AND supported 3D! It came right home with me! The western version, Hot Shots Golf: Out of Bounds, is not Move compatible or 3D (sad face, sad face), but does make it a lot easier to learn the nuances and many, many weird house rules of Minna no Golf 5, which are far beyond my primitive Japanese skills. Apparently this game is from 2008. You'd sure never know it. It looks a million times better than Tiger Woods 12, and is, all the way around, a far more sophisticated game design than EA's golf flagship. Plus it has ducks.
|Every morning I call Grand Theft Auto and describe speedometers.|
Mafia II - To be clear, I pre-ordered this game when it launched last year, but it and my least stable gaming rig could not get along with each other. I put a new pc together this year, and was finally able to play it. It's done ok. It has a lot to compete with. And it's open world, but not a sandbox. In fact, it's probably best I played it after LA Noire, so I have some perspective on what it looks and feels like when someone really wastes their map.
|You have to pause the game when Spiderman calls for advice.|
Just Cause 2 - @toomanywires mentioned this on his site, so I grabbed a copy, and it was awesome. Assuming you're willing to embrace the clunky learning curve and master the grapple, it becomes a super hero game like no other. The things you can pull off with that wire are totally sick. I was at 50-something hours before I even did the second story mission. Then I realized there was an even nicer pc edition, so I traded my 360 copy and restarted it on the computer, where I continue to terrorize Panau on a semi-regular basis. If Just Cause 3 manages to link your infrastructure damage with the actual capabilities of the people you're fighting, so there's some real cause and effect to your anarchistic shenanigans, it could be the greatest sandbox of all time.
|Sometimes you eat the little Asian man. Sometimes he eats you.|
|Apparently the world ends with me squinting.|
The World Ends with You - For a DS rpg competing against the tide and tumble of my arcade, TWEWY did very well. It didn't get finished, but it definitely got noticed, and got to be the game of the day at least once. That's pretty impressive. It's entirely possible this game and I will meet again, once it's ported to a phone, as every popular DS game surely will be one day.
|Is the one on the right shrugging? I'm with him.|
Deadspace - Ehn. If we're not going open world sandbox, I think I want your game to be short. I certainly don't need your narrative artificially lengthened by a bunch of boring, repetitive fight scenes, which has been the norm in video games for at least two decades too long. I'm also certain that nothing robs a horror game of its scariness faster than those constant retreats into conventional video game gameplay.
|Brace yourself. I don't really like the Beatles. I just think Sgt. Peppers is the best album ever.|
Beatles Rock Band - Certainly the best game of the Rock Band games, as far as the raw game design goes, in that it's a much more coherent and focused experience than the typical Rock Band "cover band on the rise" scenario. The thing is, I can no longer tell if I buy Rock Band games because I want to play Rock Band, or just because I need to justify dragging this plastic drum kit around for the last three years.
|The friend who introduced me to Viva Pinata grew up to be a World of Warcraft player. I also lost a friend to heroin once.|
|Not one dial, gauge, switch, toggle, lever, button, hat, or slider in this picture is decorative. Wrap your mind around that.|
DCS Blackshark - One of the things I love about pc gaming is the simulators. Airplanes, helicopters, and even giant robots get ultra-detailed treatment on the computer. That said, this game, if you can even call it a game, is unbelievably complex, even by hardcore flight simulator standards. It was too much for me. But if you wanted a single game that could be as complicated, time consuming, and ultimately (I'm sure) as rewarding as a real life job, DCS Blackshark would be an excellent place to start looking.
|Ok, still not as accessible as Rogue Squadron, but you can learn to play without getting a Master's degree.|
Apache Air Assault - Reeling from the near-life experience that is DCS Blackshark, I set out to find a helicopter game that was sim enough to not insult me, while still being game enough that I wasn't insulting it. Apache Air Assault to the rescue!
|I once attended a convention where the Napoleonic miniatures players set up on a massive table and then spent all weekend trying to get their troops across the expanse and into combat. When we left Sunday afternoon, they had never fired a shot.|
All the Total War games - Shogun 2 was so good, and the last one I'd played was Shogun 1, so obviously the only reasonable thing to do was to buy every modern Total War game and try them all. I miss the old siege rules, even though they're technically the newer siege rules from my perspective.
|Norman was the tallest kid in class. It made him self conscious.|
Afrika - The ps4 era will end and I will still cling to Afrika. Twice my game has been derailed by the elephant glitch, but my third and current play-through has escaped it, so I can finally continue forward into the artificial wilds. That I would even keep trying to get a game that's glitched 20+ hours of my time into the ether teaches us that my love of giraffes is so great that it actually outweighs my lifelong hatred of poorly constructed games.
GAME OF THE YEAR FOR 2011 VG
|No one stole your umbrella. Just settle down.|
That said, it's easily the best port I've seen in the 360 era. The transition from a high end gaming rig to the consoles is usually a brutal drop. I barely notice the shift in this game. (If the consoles could run all the combat smoothly, instead of just running it, I probably wouldn't notice at all.)
|"Life" guard. Haha! I see what you did there.|
It's huge. Like Oblivion huge. With the most relaxed and forgiving multiplayer to single player transitions ever. You can play any amount of the game alone or in groups, with any combination of people, much like Borderlands. Game of the Year awards should go to the games that aim the highest, and come closest to the mark. I think the "aim the highest" part gets lost sometimes in these discussions. It's a technologically based medium. Forward momentum has to be a requisite. Dead Island might not be the most polished contender for GOTY, but it is the most ambitious, and it manages to hit most of its intended beats with clarity and confidence.
I don't believe in spoilers, but I'll say this - do yourself a favor when you play this game and turn everything off. The autopathing, the damage meters, all their wannabe rpg readouts. You don't need any of it, and the game is far more immersive without their game mechanics cluttering up the screen, or their cartographic training wheels impeding your sense of the space around you. And, perhaps most importantly, remember that the 15 minutes it will take you to get comfortable with the analog combat controls are 100% worth it.
|I put on my lipstick with a Hot Wheels.|
My mon Bats don't shiv. You see.
You know, at some point, in the near or distant future, you may find yourself thinking "Hey, a round-up of the year in gaming would be fun! I should totally do that!"
But it isn't. And you shouldn't. Because first you're like "Oh, this is fun.", but then you realize it's turning into a wall of text, and that the only thing that will make any of it legible is pictures breaking it all up. So then you spend 12 hours google image searching and trying to figure out where the hell Steam puts your screenshots. All to realize you're not actually done and have forgotten another game. And another one. And that you haven't actually written the Game of the Year section! All on the day Batman came out, which is it what makes it a (expletive deleted) holiday in the first place.
So don't. Just: don't. This is my advice to you, many long hours after starting this stupid thing. The original opening line was "Batman Arkham City comes out in three days..."
I've gotten maybe four hours of play time in since writing that sentence.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go get some coffee, put on these 3D glasses, and use my ps3 to pretend that I'm man enough to dress up in pointy ears and fight crime.
|I am absolutely not going to make out with that bat. Still, if you could come back in 15 minutes...|